Someone’s pants are growing tight
Even though they’re eating right
And exercising every night

It’s not because they eat too much
Nor that they need a surgeon’s touch
Nor from a chair’s comfortable clutch

Their hatband binds in just that way
Their pants constrain more every day
The swelling, see, does not delay

What, then, can cause this kind of thing
Of which no few singers sing
And which too many seek to bring
Upon themselves?

Think you know the answer? Respond in the comments!
Think you’d like someone–a person not a machine–to write this kind of thing for you? Fill out the form below!

Or, of course, you can extend your patronage directly!